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Archive for April, 2010

After my children go past a phase, I think I tend to forget the bad and ugly and remember the good- so when my angel baby ( LF#4 has been my easiest baby yet) started acting like a rebellious teenager- I was stumped. He doesn’t scream  or yell, he just lies down on the floor and rolls around.

I try not to use bad words at home but when LF#3 comes home from pre-school having just learned B-U-T-T, he has to teach it to LF#4. So now I have Mr. I am such a two-year old MAN spouting private parts of the body in public.

Shake your boom-boom! What the heck! Kakka peepee toutou!

I tell him not to say bad words so much he’s started saying:

“I don’t like Shaytan- he says bad words”

“I don’t like bugs- they say bad words”

so when I got this email from babycenter.com- I was like ummm they know!

Your 2-year-old now

You’re so proud of your angel’s burgeoning vocabulary — until words like “poopie head,” ” stupid,” “dummy,” and worse creep in. “Bad” words are all around your child: They hear grownups cursing at traffic, pick up foul language from TV, and trade exciting words (the ones that seem to get a rise out of Mom or Dad) with playmates and siblings. Alliterative silly words (“poopy doopy”) are favorites because they are so fun to say and hear. The quickest way to make this kind of language disappear is to ignore it. If you make a fuss, you’re only showing them how powerful certain words are, which makes them want to say them all the more. Babycenter.com
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Third Annual South Asian Art Festival

No 1 by Kinda Hibrawl

The Festival will include fine art exhibit, art, fiction and non-fiction book launches by South Asian/ American writers, Poetry Readings, Comedy Show, Art Work Shops for Adults and Children.

May 1, 2010: 1- 7 pm Interactive Gallery tours with artists.

This is what I am really excited about -the Islamic Art workshops especially for kids.

Art workshops (registration upon arrival): Exploring Islamic Patterns and Designs, Endangered species in Sindh and Rajasthan Deserts.

Poetry Reading: 1:30 PM by Beo Zafar, 2:30 PM by Mehnaz Turner

Reception: 4-7 pm Refreshments will be served

Comedy Show May 1, 7-8 pm, May 2, 4-5 pm by Beo Zafar,

All proceeds will benefit

The Citizens Foundation Schools

www.tcfusa.org 501 (c) (3)

Tickets $45.00 online purchase or call 310-459-5826.

www.zanbeelart.com

Trees of Existence_Tree of Light by Halide Salam

Artists participating: Sonia Chaudhary,Pritika Chowdhry, Hayat Gul, Ramesh Gorjala,

Reem Hammad, Abid Hasan, Asad Hussain, Tehniyet Hussain , Wahab Jaffer C.F. John,

Masuma Halai Khwaja, Lubna Lipton,  Bina Malkani, Zahra Malkani,

Amitis Motevalli, Suresh Muthukulam, Murali Nagapuza, Antonio Puri,

Ali Rahamad,  Tara Rashid, Amin Rehman,  Satayakam Saha,

Shakil Saigol, Halide Salam, Natasha Shoro, Azis T.M., Huda Totonji, Farooq Yousufzai.

Ayat by S A Noory

Book Launching: Alive and Well in Pakistan by Ethan Casey

Dust of children by Ali Eteraz

Home Boy by H.M. Naqvi

In Other Rooms, Other Wonders by Danial Mueenuddin

Kolachi Dreams by Nadya A.R.

Rock and Roll Jihad by Salman Ahmad

The Dreamer Awakes, Poems and Paintings by Beo Zafar and Tabinda Chinoy

Art books by Foundation of Modern Museum Art, Pakistan,

Art books by Marg Publications, India

Art books by Sadequain Foundation, San Diego, California.

Sponsored by Zanbeelart

Arena 1 Gallery

Santa Monica Art Studios

3026 Airport Ave.

Santa Monica, CA. 90405

www.santamonicaartstudios.com

310-397-7449, 310-459-5826

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Sample-call-out-letter fo Day of Silence

Date)

Dear _______________,

Due to the administration’s decision to allow the politicization of the learning environment through the Day of Silence, which is sponsored by the highly partisan Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network, we feel compelled to call our child/children out of school on that day.

The administration errs when it allows the classroom to be disrupted and politicized by granting students permission to remain silent throughout an entire day. The protesters have a captive audience, many of whom disagree with and are made uncomfortable by the politicization of their classroom. How many political protests will the school allow, and who decides which political issue will be permitted to disrupt the educational process?

Day of Silence participants have a First Amendment right to wear t-shirts, and if other extracurricular clubs put up posters and set up tables from which to distribute materials, “gay-straight alliances” have that right also. The Day of Silence participants go further, however, by exploiting the instructional time of every student in every class for an entire day in the service of their philosophical beliefs and partisan political purposes. Their silence, and in some cases, the silence of their teachers, transform the activities of the day.

By allowing students to remain silent, administrations fail to protect the classroom from intrusive, political exploitation. My child/children will not be part of this political appropriation of the classroom.

Sincerely,

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Just had a wonderful conversation with LF#1’s teacher. She was concerned about her music grade as they would be performing old, traditional California songs ( I’ll working on the railroad, I still remember the words to that) with music. She knew that LF#1 wasn’t going to particpate in square dancing for P.E.

My younger daughter’s teacher had already given her permission to opt-out. LF#1’s teacher wanted LF#1 to perform a solo, square dance in front of the class girls for her P.E. grade and perform in the singalong. I explained our boundaries to her (yours could be different, that’s not the point of the post): singing a Capella is okay, no dancing, certain percussions okay. I wasn’t demanding or judgemental.

Alhamdulillah, we came to an agreement so now she will do a report on the use of percussion instruments in different cultures. She will also learn the lyrics for some of Californian songs. LF#1 will also take our duff from Pakistan or tar as it is called in the Sudan to school and come up with a new beat. She will perform this for her class, telling them that about how we use this in our celebrations and announcements.

This is a prime example that if we communicate with our children’s public school teachers about our religious and cultural needs, they are usually forthcoming.  It gives my child a chance to participate in class while holding her own moral ground and educating her peers about a world beyond.

  • A duff is a  round wooden frame drum whose diameter is bigger than its depth. Goat skin traditionally is stretched over the frame to create the head although synthetic versions are now used. Some tars have a thumb hole or indentation in the frame to facilitate holding.
  • Tars range from 10-22 inches in diameter but the most commonly used size is 16 inches.
  • The tar is held upright in one hand and is struck with the fingers of that hand and the full hand and fingers of the other hand. The duff is known for its deep, haunting tones. (maryellendonald.com)

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Three Sisters by Rita Skylar

Nothing compares to the pleasure of bonding with your sisters. Romantic love is not the only joy de vivre, it takes time spent with your sisters to feel  the delight of simple connections. I am replenished, rejuvenated. The spontaneous burst of laughter, finishing each others thoughts and sentences, the ‘not’ needing to explain a phrase. MashaAllah, after 4 whole years my gorgeous sisters and I were in one place.  We bemoaned how much like our mother we had become and then thanked Allah for a mother like her.

Spent lazy mornings in PJs with waffles and Washington blueberry sauce. Exchanged recipes, ours, Ammi’s, our motherinlaws’, our cousins. We ate without abandon through boxes of gourmet cupcakes, pacific salmon with almond asparagus and creamy butter chicken. Laughed, giggled and shopped like teenagers. Missed our brother like crazy. Celebrated one’s achievements, running an institute named after a mother of the believers (RA), the Ayesha School, in a quaint house behind the Abu Baker Masjid.

Thought Aboo would have loved this- “pack up the car! instant picnic.” Marveled at the beauty of the Puget Sound, strolled Pike Place sampling Snoqualmie Valley honey, berries & Le Panier eclairs & of-course coffee. And then there were the tulips at Der Roosengarten. Subhan Allahe wa bi hamdihi was on all our lips, “so we can have gardens like that in Jannah” say LF#2. Ameen my daughter Ameen.

We know each others strengths, faults, weaknesses, positive energies, failures, tragedies, dramas, likes, pet peeves, shortcomings, victories. With each other we have to be real because we know; its amazing not to have to pretend.  We see how much we have grown spiritually and emotionally, because we were there in the beginning.

When our souls were first created, theirs must have rested next to mine, for God to choose them as my sisters. They are my childhood, they remind me of things long forgotten; like an old family video but brighter, more colorful and from different angles. Some times you don’t even need words, a look, a frown, a smile gives away the emotions. She is what I could have been.

She secretly fasted on your roza khushai (first fast celebration) and stole your thunder. She stayed up all night to put henna on your hand for your shaadi (wedding) because you didn’t want it done by an impersonal professional. She urged you to wear abaya, ‘just do it, don’t wait’ she said. She nursed your baby because she was crying and you weren’t there.

She was your first baby, the first diaper you changed, the nose you wiped. She held your dupatta (veil) as you walked up the aisle for your Nikkah. She took your kids to the zoo on Eid while you were away at Hajj. She didn’t need to tell me she loved her gift, I could see the same look of satisfaction as when she got presents at birthdays past.

She sobbed in dua (prayer) for you when you were loosing your baby at the emergency room. She held your hand during your C-section and welcomed your baby with Takbeer.  She has become an amateur matchmaker, in hopes that Allah will help her find the perfect match for you.

The Three Sisters

You keep your past by having sisters. As you get older, they’re the only ones who don’t get bored if you talk about your memories.
– Deborah Moggach

Cousins bickering over toys, over who loves each other more. We find each other in our children. A lift of an eyebrow, a throaty laugh, same toddler gibberish. My children need to see us loving each other so unconditionally, a model for what their future relationship should be like, God Willing. A day after we land back, my two year old says,’Mama remember when we went to Khala jaani’s house, can we go there again ..TODAY.’ I wish, sweetie, I wish.

Der Roosengarten-Sisters are like flowers from the same garden-author unknown

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***This post has been updated after it was published in Muslimmatters.org

The Day of Silence, which is sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), fast approaches. This year it will take place in most public schools on April 16, 2010. On this day, “hundreds of thousands” of students plan on participating (Day of Silence website) in thousands of public high schools and increasing numbers of middle schools, which will allow students to remain silent throughout an entire day even during instructional time to promote GLSEN’s socio-political goals and its controversial, unproven, and destructive theories on the nature and morality of homosexuality. (American Family Association) GLSEN’s stance is against bullying of gay students and the silence they suffer not an all encompassing ‘bullying’ that is inclusive of students who suffer because they are called terrorist, refugee scum, or wog.

Elementary schools are next. In East London, to celebrate Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender History Month, primary school students watched a special adaptation of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet renamed Romeo and Julian. Stories covered in the lessons at George Tomlinson School included a fairytale about a prince who turns down three princesses before falling in love with one of their brothers and the tale of Roy and Silo – two male penguins who fall in love. (Guardian)

We as parents cannot remain passive about this. Even if you are not a parent and especially if you are a youth group leader, you need to make the parents in your life aware of this issue. Many parents are not aware of this movement or think that it will not affect their child. This lax attitude leads to us holding our heads when it is too late.

I’ll tell you how this attitude personally affected me. I attended an all-women liberal arts college in Wellesley, Massachusetts. During our first year orientation, we gathered in the common room where mats were laid out of us. A senior from the Gay and Lesbian Association (GALA) asked us to lie down on the mat and close our eyes. Scared to death, at 17 fresh off the plane from Lahore, Pakistan, I had no clue what they expected from us. It wasn’t anything promiscuous, God forbid. They just asked us to close our eyes and imagine a world where daddies were only married to daddies and mommies were married to mommies and if I was a little girl in that world, who liked the little boy across the street but I couldn’t because mommies could only marry mommies. Very innocent, the words.

Those words stuck with me and I still remember them after 17 years. “Once you have the vocabulary to talk with young children about homosexuality, it becomes very easy,” says Dr. Justin Richardson, a Harvard-educated psychiatrist and director of Columbia University’s Center for Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Mental Health. Richardson says educators need to aid the pre-homosexual child with a supportive school environment, paving the way for his later coming out. He claims that a child’s sexual orientation is determined very early in life around four years of age, so why not prepare the pre-homosexual child for the inevitable? This quote by Dr. Richardson came from a talk he delivered ten years ago at a teachers’ conference. This agenda is at work in our public school system and the fitnah has created is real.

Also in my student orientation, I heard a young, black woman talk about her life as a poor, black, gay teenager. I met many intelligent women who were kind and gentle and gay. I remember being admonished by several housemates for thinking that homosexuality was a mental abnormality akin to physical abnormalities. I was figuratively ‘hypnotised’ into believing that it was natural for 10% of the human race to be homosexual believing that they could not control themselves. That December, when I went to visit my parents over winter break, my sister snapped me out of my brainwashed state. She said ‘Apa! Listen to yourself.’

In psychology, the study of brainwashing, often referred to as thought reform, falls into the sphere of “social influence.” According to Julia Layton, author of How Brainwashing Works, “social influence happens every minute of every day. It’s the collection of ways in which people can change other people’s attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. For instance, the compliance method aims to produce a change in a person’s behavior and is not concerned with his attitudes or beliefs. It’s the “Just do it” approach. Persuasion, on the other hand, aims for a change in attitude, or “Do it because it’ll make you feel accepted/good/happy/healthy/successful.”

The education method (which is called the “propaganda method” when you don’t believe in what’s being taught) goes for the social-influence goal, trying to affect a change in the person’s beliefs, along the
lines of “Do it because you know it’s the right thing to do.” Brainwashing is a severe form of social influence that combines all of these approaches to cause changes in an individual’s way of thinking without that person’s consent and often against his will.

I was 17; away from home but brimming with the confidence that children raised in a Muslim country exude. Now, imagine your middle schooler or your teen. Her politically correct classmates surround her; she doesn’t know what to say when her best honor society buddy starts exhibiting ‘homosexual’ traits. Imagine being a student whose religion teaches her that homosexuality is a sin being in that environment. Being judged by their peers because they did not remain silent in support. If you disagree with homosexuality you are called a bigot or a homophobe. Imagine your teachers and mentors who instruct you from 8 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon, framing their lessons around Day of Silence. The adolescent culture is liberal, and adolescents desire to fit in. The vast majority of conservative teens does not feel comfortable vocally opposing their culture and will not do so. We as adults, often don’t have the guts to speak up against homosexuality, let alone teenagers.

Alan Chambers, a gay man that has overcome unwanted homosexual desires, started a family, and is the author of Leaving Homosexuality says: “The Day of Silence leads to a slanted discussion about homosexuality…because students are being bombarded from every side on the issue of homosexuality…seemingly the only voices that are allowed or respected in the public school system are those from a pro-gay side. It’s important for everyone to have a voice on this issue and for every opinion to be expressed. If one side is going to be expressed, then the other should be as well.”

As a Muslim, I sympathize with others who suffer discrimination and denounce any violence in the name of ‘disapproval’ but agree with following stance:

“Day of Silence participants claim they seek to end discrimination. There is, however, a problem with the way “discrimination” is defined in public discourse today. Groups like GLSEN believe that statements of moral conviction with which they disagree constitute prejudice or discrimination. While relentlessly promoting this view, administrators are never asked to provide evidence for the dubious presuppositions on which such claims of discrimination are based. They are never asked to provide evidence for the arguable claim that homosexuality is equivalent to race; or that disapproval of homosexual conduct is equivalent to racism; or that homosexual impulses are biologically determined; or that the presence of biological influences in shaping desire renders a behavior automatically moral. Parents should demand justification for those claims. If we allow schools to define discrimination so expansively as to prohibit all statements of moral conviction, character development will be compromised and freedom of speech rights will be trampled. And if administrators continue to define discrimination in such a way as to preclude only some statements of moral conviction, they violate their pedagogical commitment to intellectual diversity and render the classroom a place of indoctrination.”

Think of your 15-year-old cousin, who can’t have girlfriend because it is against our deen that is teased at school, called a pansy and wonders whether he is. We need to talk about this and tell our children that Allah loves them and if they are having these feelings then they need spiritual help. Not shun them and turn them over to the wolves, force them out of the folds of Islam. I am not suggesting someone can ‘turn’ your kid gay or not. That is not my concern here.

Some parents worry that taking a stance will adversely affect their children’s grades. What kind of Muslims are we raising? “Cowardly conformists” or those who follow the footsteps of the Sahabah? We need to teach them to stand up for their beliefs even if they have to sacrifice something. If the teacher does punish them in some way this is unethical and the parents should take it to the school administration. “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” [Quran At-Tahrim 66:6]

Most of the following material is from a website sponsored by Pro-Family groups calling for national support for Day of Silence Walkout. (www.doswalkout.net) Unfortunately Muslim organizations, media groups and masjids have shied away from supporting this cause. So spread the word on your masjid lists, Muslim websites, etc.

Parents must actively oppose this hijacking of the classroom for political purposes. You can help de-politicize the learning environment, which is paid for by our tax dollars, by calling your child out of school if your child’s school allows students to remain silent during instructional time on the Day of Silence. Brother Kevin Johnson asks, “Why would we want sexual orientation of any type to be taught to our young children? Isn’t that something that is personal and should be dealt with at home by the parents whenever they see fit? After all, the school system’s job is to educate children, not to raise them, that’s the job of the parent.”

If students will be permitted to remain silent, parents can express their opposition most effectively by removing their children from schools on the Day of Silence and sending letters of explanation to their administrators, their children’s teachers, and all school board members. One reason this is effective is that most school districts lose money for each student absence. School administrators err when they allow the classroom to be disrupted and politicized by granting students permission to remain silent throughout an entire day.

Day of Silence – What Should Parents Do?

1. Call your local schools and ask whether they permit students or teachers to remain silent in the classroom on the “Day of Silence.” IMPORTANT: Do not ask any administrator, school board member, or teacher if the school sponsors, endorses, or supports DOS. Schools do not technically sponsor the Day of Silence. Technically, it is students, often students in the gay-straight alliance, who sponsor it. Many administrators will tell you that they do not sponsor the DOS when, in fact, they do permit students and sometimes even teachers to remain silent during instructional time. Also ask administrators whether they permit teachers to create lesson plans to accommodate student silence.

2. Find out what date the event is planned for your school. (The national date in 2010 is April 16, but some schools observe DOS on a different date).

3. Inform the school of your intention to keep your children home on that date and explain why. Download the sample letter from lordsfavor.wordpress.com or from doswalkout.net

4. Explain to your children why you’re taking a stand:

a. What does Islam say about homosexuality.

b. No matter what factors may influence homosexual feelings, freely chosen homosexual behavior is immoral and should be resisted.

c. Homosexuality is not equivalent to race.

d. Disapproval of homosexuality is not equivalent to racism; nor is it hatred; nor is it bullying; nor does it constitute an incitement to violence. It is permissible and ethical to express disapproval of homosexuality. Just because someone may feel bad when hearing that someone disapproves of homosexuality does not mean that disapproval is cruel or wrong.

e. No school should support a view of homosexuality that is unproven and controversial, and that is physically, emotionally, and spiritually destructive to individuals and society.

f. No school should allow instructional time to be politicized.

g. Reiterate that the kids be civil or kind to anyone who exhibits homosexual behavior and make sincere dua for them. It is against the Muslim manners to participate in bullying or calling anyone names that hurt.

There is national support for Day of Silence Walkout.

Sample-call-out-letter fo Day of Silence

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