A group of young Muslim moms in our area set up a mommy group. It’s more discussion based than lecture based, so we learn from each other. I was asked to lead the discussions-Alhamdulillah. So I thought we would start with something I am working on personally- ANGER. Especially anger directed at our children, that leaves us exhausted after screaming and our children scared or ambivalent.
These were my points:
All of us get angry- sometime its justified and sometimes we take it out on the wrong person- most often the people we love the most.
We need to reserve our anger for situations when our kids are really in the wrong.
Remember they are little, they are learning- I try to visualize when I will be old and incompetent, how would I like my kids to take care of me – would I like them to scream at me if I wasn’t able to take care of myself.
If we are angry all the time then our kids will switch us off and our angry words will lose their value.
Shaytan runs through our veins we get hot, our blood pressure rises-
Learn to recognize the warning signs- I start clenching my teeth.
Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (as) said: “Verily, anger is a spark ignited by the Shaitan (Satan) in the human heart. Indeed, when anyone of you gets angry, his eyes become red, the veins of his neck become swollen and Shaitan (Satan) enters them. Therefore, whosoever among you is concerned about himself on account of it, he should lie down for a while so that the filth of Shaitan (Satan) may be removed from him at the time.The person who is angry should make wudu.”
What should you do when you get angry-(from hadith)
1. Read A’udhobillahhi minash shaytaanirrajeem “ I SEEK ALLAH’S PROTECTION FROM THE CURSED DEVIL”
2. Recite Ayat al Qursi
3. Change positions- if you are standing sit down, if you are sitting, lie down. This slows down your breathing and heart rate, because when we are closer to the Earth since we are made from earth
4. Make wudu or atleast splash some water on your face “The cure is that you extinguish the fire with water so that the evil doesn’t spread.”
6. Drink water
The last circle we had, we discussed Sister Olivia’s article DJ Empty threat. All of us could relate to using the 1-2-3 technique only to have it backfire. First of all, as Muslim moms we should try to minimize the threats. If we do make ‘threats’, then make it solid and unemotional, something that you can and will follow-up with consequences. This is essential for our words to mean anything. Otherwise we are lying- this was a big aha moment for the newer moms.
I always ask my kids to be ‘first time listeners’. 1-2-3 means something in our house because I don’t use it all the time and when we use it, they know that we mean it . But it wasn’t always like that especially with LF#1 and LF#2. I’ll be ‘scream-free’ for days and then lose it, like crazy Mama! With LF#3 and #4, I am much calmer. Chalk it up to experience.
Dua from the Qur’an for Disobedient Children
Wa as lih lee fee dhurriyathee. Innee thub thu ilayka wa innee minal muslimeen 46:15
And (O Allah), be gracious towards me in the matter of my off-spring. And surely, I have returned to you in repentance, and surely, I am of those who surrender (to you)
When our kids are disobedient, we can recite the above dua especially after every Salaah (this is a time when duas are accepted). Keep your child or even students in mind when making the dua.